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JC Reviews: Creature Commandos is a Graveyard Smash!

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by James Coulter

James Gunn is the GOAT! He directed the best Marvel movie, Guardians of the Galaxy. The only film better than that was the second, GOTG: Vol. 2. (GOTG: Vol. 3 wasn’t as great, but it was still pretty good.)

The Guardians movies proved so popular that Warner Bros. decided to make their own version for their DC Comics movie franchise: Suicide Squad—which flopped hard! In fact, it was only after Gunn joined Warner Bros. and directed the sequel/reboot, The Suicide Squad, that the formula finally worked for them.

Now Gunn is set to helm the DC Comics Universe (DCU) moving forward. Next year will officially kick off this new series of comic book movies with a Superman reboot. (And if the teaser trailer is any indicator, it looks awesome!)

Until then, DC Comics has released a new animated series created by Gunn for the Max streaming service: Creature Commandos. But will this series be a graveyard smash of a monster mash? Or…oh, who am I kidding? James Freaking Gunn made it. It’s going to be gold!

When a small European kingdom gets invaded by the evil enchantress Circe, Rick Flag Sr. assembles a band of incarcerated monsters on a rescue mission to save the princess. His team includes the Bride (as in the Bride of Frankenstein), GI Robot (a WW2-era robot with a love for killing Nazis), Weasel (who’s literally a giant weasel), Doctor Phosphorus (a flaming irradiated skeleton), and Nina (a gender-swapped version of the Creature from the Black Lagoon).

While this year hasn’t been great for superhero movies—looking at you Madame Web and Kraven the Hunter!—it has undoubtedly been good for animation. The first animated hit, of course, was X-Men ’97. And now Creature Commandos appears to be the next great thing. As of this review, only four of the seven episodes have been released on Max. However, James Gunn’s animated series appears to be so far, so good.

The animation for both this and X-Men ’97 proves that detailed, comic book-like art styles are not dead. While the current trend of simplistic art styles in animated shows like Steven Universe and Owl House is good, nothing beats animation that looks like comic books come to life.

As for the plot, if James Gunn is good at anything, it’s taking a band of misfits, putting them into over-the-top action scenes, having them bounce witty banter off of each other, and giving them a healthy dose of character depth. It’s what made the Guardians movies great. And it’s what makes this series good.

As always, Gunn effortlessly balances blue humor and gratuitous violence and sex that entices the adolescent sensibilities of viewers with plenty of emotion that makes for sincerely heartfelt moments. Each of the characters gets their own backstory which reveals the humanity within these “monsters.”

The Bride was literally created to be the bride of Frankenstein, but ended up having complicated feelings toward her creator which caused tension in their relationship. GI Robot was designed

solely for killing Nazis during WW2, and struggled to find purpose after the war when there were no more Nazis to kill. And as for Weasel? Well, no spoilers, but Gunn wasn’t kidding when he explained the episode was the saddest thing he’s written.

I’ve managed to binge-watch all of the episodes so far in one sitting, and I am on the edge of my seat waiting for the remaining episodes to be released. I have not been excited about an animated show—or really, any show—in a long time (with the notable exception of Delicious in Dungeon). And if this show is any indicator, the DCU is in capable hands with James Gunn. Godspeed!

Pedestrian Struck & Killed In Lakeland

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On Tuesday, December 24, 2024, at approximately 7:39 p.m., officers responded to a crash involving a pedestrian near the 2100 block of East Edgewood Drive. Based on witness statements and evidence gathered at the scene, prior to the crash, a pedestrian was attempting to cross East Edgewood Drive in a southerly direction when they walked into the path of a 2015 BMW that was traveling eastbound. The driver of the vehicle, 26-year-old Shakur Dexter, stopped and remained at the scene as first responders were en route. 

The Lakeland Police Department Patrol Unit, Polk County Fire Rescue, and the Lakeland Fire Department arrived on the scene and began life-saving measures. The pedestrian, later identified as William Crede, age 69, was transported to Lakeland Regional Health. Despite the best efforts of medical professionals, Crede succumbed to his injuries. 

Members of the Traffic Homicide Unit responded to the scene and took over the investigation. The roadway was shut down for approximately two hours while the scene was processed for the ongoing investigation. Anyone with information is encouraged to contact Officer Travis Payne at [email protected].

Polk Emergency Responders On Scene Of A Very Bad Crash In Lake Alfred

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The Polk County Sheriff’s Office and the Polk County Fire Rescue were on scene of an accident on Shinn Blvd/17/92 and Cummings St. Multiple vehicles were involved and multiple people injured. A total of 4 ambulances were on scene and one person was airlifted for medical care.

According to initial reports the accident occurred at 12:43pm. The vehicles involved appear to be a dark blue or black pick-up and a reddish Toyota car.

The roadway was totally blocked, but we do not have an update yet if it’s cleared.

We will update this article as more information is provided.

Learn The Reason for the Season with These Holiday Stories on the Chattin on the Podcast

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by James Coulter

Christmas is almost here. Is anyone else excited? But a more important question to ask would be: What is the reason for the season?

We pose this question in our latest episode of the Chattin on the Ridge podcast. This special Christmas Eve episode features audio dramatizations of holiday stories, both past and present.

Give the new episode a listen. And feel free to ponder the answer to our question as we present to you all these stories through our dramatic readings:

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“A Visit from St. Nicholas”

by Clement Clarke Moore

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her ’kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window, I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

Read full text here: https://poets.org/poem/visit-st-nicholas

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“Christmas? Hot? Or Not?”

from “The Light Prince: Christmas Conundrum” by J.C. Alexandre

Amber arrived at the radio station with her father and Tyler. They entered a lobby with vinyl records hanging on the walls and soft rock music playing over the sound system. Amber’s father sat on one of the couches, while the two teens approached the front desk. The secretary directed them to a hallway. Her father waved as they left.

“Good luck with the interview,” he told them. “I’ll be out here, listening and chilling.”

Strolling through the hallway, Amber and Tyler approached a large glass window. Over it hung an unlit sign that read “On the Air.”

Behind the window was a dark room with an oval-shaped table and several microphones hanging over it. Around the table sat Hannah, dressed in her usual all-black attire, T-Man, wearing a red long-sleeved sweater with a blue baseball cap backwards; and Katie, wearing a faux fur coat and her nose in a fashion magazine.

Next to them sat a much older, college-aged man. He had a greasy complexion with long unruly black hair and an equally shaggy goatee. He wore a pair of thick-rimmed glasses, a large pair of headphones, and an extra-large black shirt that barely contained his plump paunch.

The four of them were engaged in a very lively conversation, muted only by the pane of glass separating their room from the hallway. Amber gently tapped it with her knuckles, and Hannah waved for them to enter. Passing through the door, Amber and Tyler could hear the rock music playing from inside.

“Sup, dawgs!” T-Man saluted them. “Glad to see you.”

“Like, totally,” Katie said. “The more, the merrier, or some junk.”

Hannah gestured to the bearded man in the headphones. “Tyler, Amber, this is Tiny.”

Tiny stood and threw his headphones back.

“Yes-siree!” he greeted them with a squealy voice like a needle being pulled across a spinning record. “Tiny’s the name, and talking smack is my game.”

He extended a pudgy hand. Amber and Tyler took turns shaking it. Amber recoiled, smelling that he reeked like a rancid skunk. He gestured for them to sit down. Amber picked an empty chair, Tyler sat next to her, and they both rolled their seats a few inches away from Tiny.

T-Man gestured to the disk jockey as he lowered himself into his seat. “Tiny here’s our host with the most. He’ll be moderating our most righteous roundtable.”

“Yeah!” Tiny added. “And to make sure everything is legit, what with me being an adult and the rest of y’all being in high school, I have my manager here supervising us. Say hi, Kyle!”

In a corner sat an equally portly middle-aged man. Aside from his mutton chops, the rest of his face was obscured by the music magazine he was currently reading. He replied with a thumbs up, but otherwise said nothing else.

“You two came just in time,” Tiny said. “We’re about to get started with this discussion once this last song stops playing. So put your headphones on.”

Everyone put on their headphones and adjusted their microphones. When the music faded, the sign outside (its reflection shining in the glass) lit up with bright red letters: “On the Air.” Tiny pulled his microphone close to his acne-ridden face.

“Alrighty, ladies and germs,” he announced. “Hope you all got pumped up with some jammin tunes, cause we’re about to throw down with another heated session of—”

He pressed a button on his control console, and a pre-recorded voice announced over the speakers, in a reverberating echo:

“Hot? Or not?”

Read full story in paperback and e-book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DMQP6ZLJ

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“The Nativity Story”

from Luke 2 (KJV)

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria. And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

Read full text here: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%202&version=KJV

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Listen to all of these stories dramatized on the Chattin on the Ridge podcast, available on Acast: https://shows.acast.com/chattin-on-the-ridge/episodes/minisode-06-the-reason-for-the-season-holiday-stories-and-so

24 Year Old Woman Killed In Lake Hatchineha Road Crash Saturday

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On Saturday, December 21, 2024, at approximately 7:22 PM, PCSO deputies and PCFR responded to a two-vehicle crash with injuries on Hatchineha Road, just east of Jennings Road North in Haines City. Two vehicles were involved, a 4-door green Nissan Sentra, and a white Nissan pickup truck. Each vehicle had one occupant. 

 

The driver of the Sentra, a 24-year-old female from Kissimmee, was found entrapped in her vehicle with life threatening injuries. The driver of the pickup truck, a 30-year-old male from Lakeland, also suffered serious, but non-life threatening injuries. Both were transported to the hospital. Hatchineha Road was shut down in both directions for approximately three hours. 

 

PCSO Traffic Homicide detectives and Forensic investigators responded to the scene. The vehicles were travelling in opposite directions on Hatchineha Road at the time of the crash. According to witness statements taken at the scene, the Sentra was heading westbound and was attempting to pass the vehicle in front of it by pulling out into the eastbound lane at the same time that the truck was heading eastbound. Evidence collected at the scene indicates that both drivers attempted to swerve to avoid a crash, but they collided and came to a stop on the shoulder of the road. 

 

The female driver of the Sentra succumbed to her injuries on Sunday, December 22, 2024. The investigation into the crash is still ongoing at this time.

Cooking on the Ridge: Wassail

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by James Coulter

The nights are getting longer. The weather is getting cooler. So, what better way to warm up on a cold winter night than with a hot drink? Question is, what hot drink do you prefer: hot cocoa or hot apple cider?

Personally, I’m more of a cider kind of person. Which is why, around this time of year, I love to prepare wassail.

What’s wassail? Essentially, it’s a hot spiced apple cider. The drink was so popular during the holidays they even wrote songs about it. Ever heard of, “Here we come a wassailing”?

And what, exactly, is wassailing? Essentially, it’s a medieval form of caroling where people would go door-to-door singing Christmas songs and sharing hot drinks.

Anyway, like I said, this time of year, I love to prepare wassail. Nothing warms you up after a long cold day than heating some apple cider on the stove with cinnamon sticks and apples with cloves.

Actually, I stand corrected. The only thing that warms you up more is drinking the wassail you prepared.

I’ve been using this recipe for the past few years. It combines apple cider with different fruit juices and spices like cinnamon and nutmeg. The result is a warm brew that’s perfect on a cold winter night.

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Wassail (from Tastes Better from Scratch)

Ingredients

· 2 apples

· 8 cups apple cider

· 2 cups orange juice

· 1/3 cup lemon juice

· 4 cinnamon sticks

· 15 whole whole cloves, or ½ tsp ground cloves

· 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

· 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

· 1 Tablespoon light brown sugar, optional

Directions

1. Poke the whole cloves into the apples on all sides.

2. Add all of the ingredients, including the apples, to a large pot over medium-low heat.

3. Bring to a simmer. Simmer for 30-45 minutes.

4. Remove the apples and whole cloves. Ladle into mugs and enjoy!

J.C. Reviews: Red One is a Ret Hot Mess!

J.C. Reviews: Red One is a Ret Hot Mess!

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by James Coulter

You know, in hindsight, I should have known Red One was going to be a disaster. Despite its $250 million budget, the movie only grossed $32 million in the domestic box office and $165.8 million worldwide, making it the biggest box office bomb of 2024. In fact, the movie went straight to streaming, which meant I could have saved myself a ticket and watched it on Amazon Prime.

And yet, Red One had potential. It had all the biggest action movie stars: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Chris Evans, J.K. Simmons, and Lucy Lui. And the movie certainly looked campy enough that, even if it wasn’t good, it could have been so bad it’s good.

So what made this movie so bad? Why did the movie bomb so badly that it deserves coal for Christmas? Why did this movie end up becoming naughty rather than nice?

Red One stars J.K. Simmons as Santa Claus and The Rock as his assistant Callum. When St. Nick ends up being kidnapped from the North Pole, Callum assembles a special task force called E.L.F. (Extremely Large and Formidable) to save him. He conscripts the assistance of Chris Evans’ character, Jack O’Malley, a professional hack to help track down the Red One. Will they save Christmas? Or…well, it’s a Christmas movie, so you know the answer.

The best way I can describe Red One is that it’s a movie you would get if you tasked an edgy teenage boy (the type with posters of cars and bikini-clad chicks in their room and who watch nothing but action movies and Andrew Tate videos) with writing a script for a Christmas movie about saving Santa Claus–but because they’re too embarrassed to write about “kiddie stuff”, they try to make it “mature” and “cool”: a jacked Santa Claus who lifts mad weights, scenes shot at beaches with scantily-clad women, jacked-up snowmen and Krampuses with six packs, and plenty of action movie cliches you’d expect from a teenager who’s movie diet is nothing but action flicks.

On the surface, Red One is a campy action flick with a campy premise. So, even if it wasn’t going to be good, it had the potential to at least ironically be good—so bad it’s good. It certainly had a star-studded cast to pull it off, and admittedly, some of the action scenes were impressive. This movie could have easily been on par with a Marvel movie.

Unfortunately, Red One’s biggest problem is that it doesn’t seem to know who its target audience is. On the one hand, the movie is silly and campy like a children’s movie; but on the other hand, it also has a lot of adult subject matter not suitable for younger audiences, what with alcoholic references, scantily-clad women, plenty of kicks to the crotch, and a lot of almost-swears. In the end, the movie comes across as too juvenile for adults and too adult for children.

Many other reviewers have pointed out that this movie is a prime example of everything wrong with Hollywood movies these days. The movie was undoubtedly expensive, one of the most expensive movies of the year, and yet it failed to generate box office revenue to compensate for its expensive budget. Exasperating matters even further is how this movie was originally intended to be released on streaming, so the overall quality looks made for television.

In the end, Red One is a Christmas film that prioritizes style over substance. Despite its glossy visuals, quippy comic book movie dialogue, and over-the-top action scenes, the story ends up being your typical run-of-the-mill plot about saving Santa Claus while learning about the “true” meaning of the holiday. Overall, it’s a Christmas tree that’s all bark and not real bite.

Woman Caught Breaking Multiple Traffic Laws In School Zone Allegedly Assaults Deputy

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Polk County Sheriff’s deputies patrolling the school zone outside Ridgeview Global Studies on Dunson Road in Davenport arrested a Clermont woman after witnessing her commit several traffic infractions, and then learning she also had a suspended license and marijuana in her possession.

At 8:15 a.m. on Tuesday, December 17, 2024, deputies saw 23-year-old Lara Alexandre driving a black Nissan at a high rate of speed through a school zone while holding and looking at an iPad, and not wearing her seatbelt. She told the deputy sheriff who performed the traffic stop that she didn’t have her driver’s license with her. When he ran her information through the database, he found that it was suspended in September 2024. 

During a search of her vehicle, deputies found marijuana and a grinder in her purse, and her suspended license in the car. As one deputy was taking her into custody, she became combative, and elbowed him in the chest.

When Alexandre arrived at the Sheriff’s Processing Center in Winter Haven to be booked into jail, she became aggressive in the back of the patrol car and a detention deputy came out to assist the deputy sheriff with retrieving her from the vehicle. Alexandre bit that detention deputy on the arm and then tried to bite the deputy again.

In addition to her traffic citations, Alexandre was charged with two counts of battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting arrest, resisting arrest with violence, possession of marijuana and paraphernalia, possession of a suspended driver’s license, and driving while license suspended.

“I don’t know if Ms. Alexandre celebrates Christmas or not, but she’s certainly not spreading joy this holiday season. In fact she’s done everything possible to ensure she’ll be in the county jail instead of spending time with her family at Christmas. Here’s a tip – if you’re driving illegally, you probably shouldn’t draw attention to yourself by speeding through a school zone while looking at a mobile device and not wearing your seatbelt.” – Grady Judd, Sheriff 

Poinciana High School Student Arrested After He Allegedly Brought Gun On Campus

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On December 17, 2024, at approximately 0935 hours, Poinciana High School officials notified School Resource Officers that an 18-year-old student, Kori McBride (DOB 04/27/06), was on campus and possibly had a gun in his backpack. Kori McBride ran past school officials and left the property.


This incident prompted a yellow lockdown at Poinciana High School and two other nearby schools. In an effort to locate the subject, Osceola Sheriff’s Office deputies from Patrol, Special Operations, and the Criminal Investigations divisions, along with the Orange County Sheriff’s Office helicopter responded to the area.


The subject was located near the high school, off campus, and a firearm was found nearby. It was later confirmed that this firearm was carried inside the student’s backpack while he was at school earlier in the day. Mr. McBride was taken into custody without further incident and was charged with multiple charges, including 3 counts of Disruption of School Functions, 1 count of Possession of a Weapon on School Property, 1 count of Carrying a Concealed Firearm or Weapon, and 1 count of Possession of a controlled substance (marijuana) under 20 grams. This was an isolated incident and the matter has concluded.

Lakeland Woman Arrested For Drinking In Bar While 4 Young Children (Youngest 10 Months Old) Were Left In Car

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A Lakeland woman was arrested by the Polk County Sheriff’s Office on Monday, December 16, 2024, after it was discovered that she left four young children in an idling vehicle while she drank alcohol inside of a Winter Haven lounge.

Deputies were called to the Apple Lounge & Grill at 2803 Recker Highway at around 9:19 pm, after an employee of the bar called and reported the matter.

Upon deputies’ arrival, the children (10-month old girl, 3-year old boy, 5-year old girl, and an 8-year old boy) were found inside of an idling vehicle in the parking lot.

Investigators made contact with the suspect, 36-year old Tiffany Shanta Simmons inside the bar. Throughout the investigation, she appeared intoxicated, was belligerent, uncooperative, and physically defiant. While being taken into custody, Simmons kicked a deputy.

An employee of the lounge told a PCSO detective that Simmons arrived sometime in the eight o’clock hour with a young boy. Simmons was told that nobody under 21-years of age was permitted in the lounge, so she said she would take the boy outside to wait with his father.

Simmons came back inside the lounge, alone, after about fifteen minutes. She ordered food, drank vodka, and danced. 

Lounge staff became suspicious, and as they were looking in vehicles in the parking lot, they found the four unattended children and called the PCSO.

“Tiffany Simmons has a history of bad decisions, and this one is the latest. She left these four beautiful children, alone…in an idling vehicle, parked in a dimly lit parking lot, and outside of a lounge. All the while, she’s inside drinking vodka. The oldest child had a cell phone with no phone service, and he didn’t know how to call 911 in an emergency. Simmons’ actions are infuriating and reprehensible.” – Grady Judd, Sheriff

Detectives notified the Florida Department of Children and Families (DCF), who initiated a safety plan for the children, who were turned over to biological family members. 

Tiffany Simmons was arrested and taken to the Polk County Jail where she was charged with: negligent child abuse (F3, 4-counts), battery on a law enforcement officer (F3), resisting with violence (F3, 2-counts), resisting without violence (M1, 2-counts), and leaving children unattended in a motor vehicle for more than 15 minutes (M2. 3-counts) and cited for unattended vehicle idling with keys in the ignition.

Simmons’ prior criminal history includes: vehicle theft, burglary, retail theft, prostitution, criminal traffic, and numerous possessions of illegal drugs (marijuana, cocaine, and heroin). 

The investigation remains ongoing.