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J.C. Reviews: Hundreds of Beavers is a Laugh Riot

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by James Coulter

It’s the end of the year. Rather than spend it going out to the theaters, I’ve decided to catch up on watching films I missed out on earlier this year.

That’s probably a good decision since there are not many “good'” movies out right now. I refuse, on principle, to watch the live-action Lion King prequel. Same with Kraven the Hunter. And while Sonic 3 looks good, I still haven’t watched the first two Sonic movies.

So, what movies have I decided to watch instead? Well, I could catch up on seeing the second Joker movie or The Crow remake, but, personally, a root canal without anesthesia would probably be a more enjoyable experience.

In the end, I’ve opted to watch an indie film that’s considered to be the funniest movie of the year–and chances are, most of y’all have never heard of it. That movie is: Hundreds of Beavers.

Never heard of it? I don’t blame you. It’s an indie film that ran the rounds on the indie film circuit earlier this year. It was later released onto video-on-demand, but it’s currently available to watch for free on Tubi and YouTube.

But is this indie comedy worth the hype? Is Hundreds of Beavers worth the hundreds of accolades and praise it has received? Or is it a real groaner that’s worth only hundreds of groans and sighs?

Hundreds of Beavers is an indie slapstick filmed in black-and-white, styled after the comedy flicks of the early 20th Century. The story follows the misadventures and misfortunes of an applejack salesman named Jean Kayak. After his orchard and home are comically destroyed, Jean is forced to brave the cold, unforgiving winter.

To survive, Jean becomes a fur trapper, catching rascally varmints to trade for supplies. Eventually, he falls in love with the merchant’s daughter. But the merchant, being a stern father figure, insists that the only way Jean can have his daughter’s hand in marriage is if he collects the fur of…hundreds of beavers. (Cue title drop!)

Hundreds of Beavers is one of those movies where the most ringing endorsement I can give is to simply watch the movie. Go ahead. Watch it! It’s free to stream on Tubi and YouTube. It really is that good.

As mentioned before, the movie is filmed in black-and-white in the style of classic silent movies. The characters never speak any dialogue, only the occasional grunts, moans, and sighs. The only time dialogue appears is with old-timey title cards.

Otherwise, this movie is pure slapstick. The entire film is a series of comedic vignettes that pits man against nature in the most SNAFU way possible. Poor Jean has to survive the winter with only the clothes on his back–and sometimes barely with that. And anything that can go wrong for him not only goes wrong but spectacularly so.

Essentially, the entire film is a live-action cartoon, with the comedy undoubtedly reminiscent of Looney Tunes. After all, the plot focuses on a dimwitted hunter who’s constantly outsmarted by forest creatures. Evidently, Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny were huge inspirations.

So, if this film is essentially a cartoon, why film it in live-action than in animation? Because it makes the wacky shenanigans all the wackier, obviously. If this film were animated, the Looney Tunes-esque antics would have been too commonplace. Having it filmed in live-action makes the slapstick and cartoon-style antics stand out even more and therefore come across as funnier in comparison.

As I said, the most ringing endorsement I can give this film is to simply watch it for yourself. If you’re looking for a laugh riot of a movie to watch, Hundreds of Beavers is guaranteed to be up your alley.

One Of Two Women Shot Friday Night In Haines City Dies

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Update: Haines City Police Department’s vehicle of interest involved in last night’s homicide. 

The vehicle appears to be a dark colored, 4-door sedan. 

Anyone with information is asked to contact the Haines City Police Department or Heartland Crime Stoppers if they wish to remain anonymous.

Vehicle of Interest

Update: Heartland Crime Stoppers Florida is now offering a $5,000 reward for anyone with information regarding last night’s homicide.

Original Article

The Haines City Police Department is providing an update on the shooting that occurred on the evening of Friday, December 27, 2024. Detectives with the Criminal Investigations Division responded to the scene and assumed the investigation.


The victims have been identified as a 33-year-old black female and a 41-year-old black female. Despite the efforts of medical staff, the 33-year-old female died as a result of her injuries. The 41-year-old female is in stable condition and is expected to recover from her injuries.


At this point in the investigation, it appears the two victims were traveling together in a vehicle when they were shot from behind. Evidence gathered so far in the investigation suggests the vehicle they were driving was intentionally targeted. There is currently no suspect in custody, however, the Haines City Police Department believes this was an isolated incident and there is no immediate threat to the public.


Police Chief Greg Goreck stated “Our hearts are with family of the victims during this difficult time. We are committed to identifying those who are involved and ensuring justice is served for their loved ones. In moments like these, it is vital we come together as a community, offering support and standing united against senseless acts of violence. We encourage
any members of our community who may have any information to come forward and assist in the investigation, as every detail can make a difference in bringing justice to the family.”


Detectives are still requesting anyone with information regarding the incident contact Heartland Crime Stoppers or the Haines City Police Department.

Two Woman Shot In Haines City – Police Seeking Any Information From Public

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Update: Heartland Crime Stoppers Florida is now offering a $5,000 reward for anyone with information regarding last night’s homicide.

HAINES CITY, FL – The Haines City Police Department is currently investigating a shooting that occurred in the area of Dr Martin Luther King Jr Way within the city limits of Haines City.


On December 27, 2024, at approximately 1822 hours, dispatch received a 911 call from a female stating she had been shot.
When officers arrived on scene, two adult female victims were located with apparent gunshot wounds. Both victims were transported to local hospitals for medical care.


Police are actively looking for any witnesses or anyone with information regarding the incident and are encouraged to contact Heartland Crime Stoppers or the Haines City Police Department.


This is an active investigation. Additional information will be released as it becomes available.

**Update: One Of Two Woman Shot In Friday Night Dies From Her Injuries- Details Click Here

6th Case Of Rabies In Polk County Reported

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The sixth case of rabies in Polk County this year has been confirmed in the area of Oak Avenue, Fort Meade.

On Thursday, December 19, 2024, a dead bat was found inside a kennel with three Alaskan huskies – the dogs’ owner does not know if one of the dogs killed the bat or not. All three dogs are vaccinated.

The bat was sent to the State Laboratory in Tampa; test results were received at Animal Control today, confirming the bat tested positive for rabies. 

“Luckily this family’s pets are vaccinated against this dangerous disease. Please do not hesitate to contact us if you come into contact with sick, injured, or deceased wildlife.” – Grady Judd, Sheriff

Please do not approach any animal that is acting in an unusual or suspicious manner. If you think you or your pet has had an “exposure,” please contact the PCSO Animal Control Section at 863.577.1762.

Man Arrested After Allegedly Going Full Goldilocks And Three Bears In Haines City Fire Station

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The Haines City Police Department arrested Jordan F. Simmons after he allegedly took a shower, slept on bed, stole personal items including a handgun and ate food out of the station refrigerator. The incident took place on December 7th.

The following is a redacted, but unedited portion of the Haines City Police Department arrest affidavit (It should be noted that this is an unedited report of facts by the Haines City Police Department. These facts are up for question and everyone is entitled to question the validity of facts by law enforcement in a court of law. The Daily Ridge does not rewrite these facts as some meanings or interpretations could be in error and change context. We hope readers appreciate being able to read the information and come to their own understanding and conclusionsA suspect is considered innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.) :

“On 12/7/2024, I Det. Vasquez, responded to the Haines City Fire Department (Station #1) in Haines City, Florida in reference to a subject trespassing in the restricted common area of the fire department. Upon my arrival, I walked into the common area and observed two firefighters conversing with a white male who I later identified via Florida Driver’s license as Jordan Frazier Simmons W/M DOB: 2/6/1979 (Arrested). The firefighters were later identified as Haines City Firefighter REDACTED (Victim) and Haines City Firefighter REDACTED (Witness #1).

I began to gather initial information, and the subject made mention he had permission to be there from a former employee he was related to. I later dispelled this information and ultimately Jordan was detained.

REDACTED notified me the subject had taken a bag belonging to him and loaded his own keys and multitool into the bag as if to claim the bag as his own. Within the bag was miscellaneous clothing to include clothing and a Glock 19 with 15 9mm rounds contained within a magazine. There was no round in the chamber. REDACTED notified me Simmons had taken his bedding from his locker and laid in his bed, soiling his linens and his pillow.

The bag was a brown in color London Fog handbag valued at $200.00. REDACTED learned the subject was wearing his black Nike socks (valued at approximately $20.00) upon learning he was missing his own. I walked out to the patrol car and advised Simmons of his Miranda Warning via an agency issued Miranda Warning card. Post Miranda, Simmons admitted to taking the socks from the bag and putting them on.

REDACTED stated his towel was hanging in the bathroom, and after learning Simmons had showered he went to check the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, REDACTED discovered his towel was wet and used, presumably by Simmons.

Positioned next to the recliner where Simmons was seated comfortably and upon discovery of his presence, was his dirty clothing, a hat, shoes, and a large hatchet approximately 10 inches in length.

REDACTED confirmed via a sworn recorded statement that no one was given permission to open his bag, temporarily deprive him of his personal belongings, or wear his clothing.

I confirmed with Battalion Chief REDACTED that no one had permission to enter the premises or the restricted area within.

At this time a point of entry could not be established, as review of the camera system was not available at this hour.

Upon my arrival at the Police Department to conduct a sworn recorded interview, Simmons declined to speak with law enforcement. Simmons made spontaneous utterances that I was “colluding” against him and putting my career in jeopardy. Simmons went on to inform me he was eating ranch dip from the fire station, which did not belong to him. A criminal history check revealed no prior convictions for theft or burglary.

Simmons was charged accordingly and transported to booking by Officer Armstrong #H1582.”

JC Reviews: Creature Commandos is a Graveyard Smash!

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by James Coulter

James Gunn is the GOAT! He directed the best Marvel movie, Guardians of the Galaxy. The only film better than that was the second, GOTG: Vol. 2. (GOTG: Vol. 3 wasn’t as great, but it was still pretty good.)

The Guardians movies proved so popular that Warner Bros. decided to make their own version for their DC Comics movie franchise: Suicide Squad—which flopped hard! In fact, it was only after Gunn joined Warner Bros. and directed the sequel/reboot, The Suicide Squad, that the formula finally worked for them.

Now Gunn is set to helm the DC Comics Universe (DCU) moving forward. Next year will officially kick off this new series of comic book movies with a Superman reboot. (And if the teaser trailer is any indicator, it looks awesome!)

Until then, DC Comics has released a new animated series created by Gunn for the Max streaming service: Creature Commandos. But will this series be a graveyard smash of a monster mash? Or…oh, who am I kidding? James Freaking Gunn made it. It’s going to be gold!

When a small European kingdom gets invaded by the evil enchantress Circe, Rick Flag Sr. assembles a band of incarcerated monsters on a rescue mission to save the princess. His team includes the Bride (as in the Bride of Frankenstein), GI Robot (a WW2-era robot with a love for killing Nazis), Weasel (who’s literally a giant weasel), Doctor Phosphorus (a flaming irradiated skeleton), and Nina (a gender-swapped version of the Creature from the Black Lagoon).

While this year hasn’t been great for superhero movies—looking at you Madame Web and Kraven the Hunter!—it has undoubtedly been good for animation. The first animated hit, of course, was X-Men ’97. And now Creature Commandos appears to be the next great thing. As of this review, only four of the seven episodes have been released on Max. However, James Gunn’s animated series appears to be so far, so good.

The animation for both this and X-Men ’97 proves that detailed, comic book-like art styles are not dead. While the current trend of simplistic art styles in animated shows like Steven Universe and Owl House is good, nothing beats animation that looks like comic books come to life.

As for the plot, if James Gunn is good at anything, it’s taking a band of misfits, putting them into over-the-top action scenes, having them bounce witty banter off of each other, and giving them a healthy dose of character depth. It’s what made the Guardians movies great. And it’s what makes this series good.

As always, Gunn effortlessly balances blue humor and gratuitous violence and sex that entices the adolescent sensibilities of viewers with plenty of emotion that makes for sincerely heartfelt moments. Each of the characters gets their own backstory which reveals the humanity within these “monsters.”

The Bride was literally created to be the bride of Frankenstein, but ended up having complicated feelings toward her creator which caused tension in their relationship. GI Robot was designed

solely for killing Nazis during WW2, and struggled to find purpose after the war when there were no more Nazis to kill. And as for Weasel? Well, no spoilers, but Gunn wasn’t kidding when he explained the episode was the saddest thing he’s written.

I’ve managed to binge-watch all of the episodes so far in one sitting, and I am on the edge of my seat waiting for the remaining episodes to be released. I have not been excited about an animated show—or really, any show—in a long time (with the notable exception of Delicious in Dungeon). And if this show is any indicator, the DCU is in capable hands with James Gunn. Godspeed!

Pedestrian Struck & Killed In Lakeland

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On Tuesday, December 24, 2024, at approximately 7:39 p.m., officers responded to a crash involving a pedestrian near the 2100 block of East Edgewood Drive. Based on witness statements and evidence gathered at the scene, prior to the crash, a pedestrian was attempting to cross East Edgewood Drive in a southerly direction when they walked into the path of a 2015 BMW that was traveling eastbound. The driver of the vehicle, 26-year-old Shakur Dexter, stopped and remained at the scene as first responders were en route. 

The Lakeland Police Department Patrol Unit, Polk County Fire Rescue, and the Lakeland Fire Department arrived on the scene and began life-saving measures. The pedestrian, later identified as William Crede, age 69, was transported to Lakeland Regional Health. Despite the best efforts of medical professionals, Crede succumbed to his injuries. 

Members of the Traffic Homicide Unit responded to the scene and took over the investigation. The roadway was shut down for approximately two hours while the scene was processed for the ongoing investigation. Anyone with information is encouraged to contact Officer Travis Payne at [email protected].

Polk Emergency Responders On Scene Of A Very Bad Crash In Lake Alfred

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The Polk County Sheriff’s Office and the Polk County Fire Rescue were on scene of an accident on Shinn Blvd/17/92 and Cummings St. Multiple vehicles were involved and multiple people injured. A total of 4 ambulances were on scene and one person was airlifted for medical care.

According to initial reports the accident occurred at 12:43pm. The vehicles involved appear to be a dark blue or black pick-up and a reddish Toyota car.

The roadway was totally blocked, but we do not have an update yet if it’s cleared.

We will update this article as more information is provided.

Learn The Reason for the Season with These Holiday Stories on the Chattin on the Podcast

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by James Coulter

Christmas is almost here. Is anyone else excited? But a more important question to ask would be: What is the reason for the season?

We pose this question in our latest episode of the Chattin on the Ridge podcast. This special Christmas Eve episode features audio dramatizations of holiday stories, both past and present.

Give the new episode a listen. And feel free to ponder the answer to our question as we present to you all these stories through our dramatic readings:

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“A Visit from St. Nicholas”

by Clement Clarke Moore

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her ’kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window, I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

Read full text here: https://poets.org/poem/visit-st-nicholas

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“Christmas? Hot? Or Not?”

from “The Light Prince: Christmas Conundrum” by J.C. Alexandre

Amber arrived at the radio station with her father and Tyler. They entered a lobby with vinyl records hanging on the walls and soft rock music playing over the sound system. Amber’s father sat on one of the couches, while the two teens approached the front desk. The secretary directed them to a hallway. Her father waved as they left.

“Good luck with the interview,” he told them. “I’ll be out here, listening and chilling.”

Strolling through the hallway, Amber and Tyler approached a large glass window. Over it hung an unlit sign that read “On the Air.”

Behind the window was a dark room with an oval-shaped table and several microphones hanging over it. Around the table sat Hannah, dressed in her usual all-black attire, T-Man, wearing a red long-sleeved sweater with a blue baseball cap backwards; and Katie, wearing a faux fur coat and her nose in a fashion magazine.

Next to them sat a much older, college-aged man. He had a greasy complexion with long unruly black hair and an equally shaggy goatee. He wore a pair of thick-rimmed glasses, a large pair of headphones, and an extra-large black shirt that barely contained his plump paunch.

The four of them were engaged in a very lively conversation, muted only by the pane of glass separating their room from the hallway. Amber gently tapped it with her knuckles, and Hannah waved for them to enter. Passing through the door, Amber and Tyler could hear the rock music playing from inside.

“Sup, dawgs!” T-Man saluted them. “Glad to see you.”

“Like, totally,” Katie said. “The more, the merrier, or some junk.”

Hannah gestured to the bearded man in the headphones. “Tyler, Amber, this is Tiny.”

Tiny stood and threw his headphones back.

“Yes-siree!” he greeted them with a squealy voice like a needle being pulled across a spinning record. “Tiny’s the name, and talking smack is my game.”

He extended a pudgy hand. Amber and Tyler took turns shaking it. Amber recoiled, smelling that he reeked like a rancid skunk. He gestured for them to sit down. Amber picked an empty chair, Tyler sat next to her, and they both rolled their seats a few inches away from Tiny.

T-Man gestured to the disk jockey as he lowered himself into his seat. “Tiny here’s our host with the most. He’ll be moderating our most righteous roundtable.”

“Yeah!” Tiny added. “And to make sure everything is legit, what with me being an adult and the rest of y’all being in high school, I have my manager here supervising us. Say hi, Kyle!”

In a corner sat an equally portly middle-aged man. Aside from his mutton chops, the rest of his face was obscured by the music magazine he was currently reading. He replied with a thumbs up, but otherwise said nothing else.

“You two came just in time,” Tiny said. “We’re about to get started with this discussion once this last song stops playing. So put your headphones on.”

Everyone put on their headphones and adjusted their microphones. When the music faded, the sign outside (its reflection shining in the glass) lit up with bright red letters: “On the Air.” Tiny pulled his microphone close to his acne-ridden face.

“Alrighty, ladies and germs,” he announced. “Hope you all got pumped up with some jammin tunes, cause we’re about to throw down with another heated session of—”

He pressed a button on his control console, and a pre-recorded voice announced over the speakers, in a reverberating echo:

“Hot? Or not?”

Read full story in paperback and e-book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DMQP6ZLJ

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“The Nativity Story”

from Luke 2 (KJV)

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria. And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

Read full text here: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%202&version=KJV

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Listen to all of these stories dramatized on the Chattin on the Ridge podcast, available on Acast: https://shows.acast.com/chattin-on-the-ridge/episodes/minisode-06-the-reason-for-the-season-holiday-stories-and-so

24 Year Old Woman Killed In Lake Hatchineha Road Crash Saturday

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On Saturday, December 21, 2024, at approximately 7:22 PM, PCSO deputies and PCFR responded to a two-vehicle crash with injuries on Hatchineha Road, just east of Jennings Road North in Haines City. Two vehicles were involved, a 4-door green Nissan Sentra, and a white Nissan pickup truck. Each vehicle had one occupant. 

 

The driver of the Sentra, a 24-year-old female from Kissimmee, was found entrapped in her vehicle with life threatening injuries. The driver of the pickup truck, a 30-year-old male from Lakeland, also suffered serious, but non-life threatening injuries. Both were transported to the hospital. Hatchineha Road was shut down in both directions for approximately three hours. 

 

PCSO Traffic Homicide detectives and Forensic investigators responded to the scene. The vehicles were travelling in opposite directions on Hatchineha Road at the time of the crash. According to witness statements taken at the scene, the Sentra was heading westbound and was attempting to pass the vehicle in front of it by pulling out into the eastbound lane at the same time that the truck was heading eastbound. Evidence collected at the scene indicates that both drivers attempted to swerve to avoid a crash, but they collided and came to a stop on the shoulder of the road. 

 

The female driver of the Sentra succumbed to her injuries on Sunday, December 22, 2024. The investigation into the crash is still ongoing at this time.